An Introduction to the Tatonka Rating System

We will admit that at Movie Deuce, we pride ourselves in focusing on the negative. Our whole mission is to find you the worst entertainment for your money, especially if that money is the 99 cents you threw down on the counter at the drug store to purchase the last known living DVD copy of K-Pax. Therefore, you shouldn’t be surprised that our intricate rating system is based on the concept that the more clout we give something, the worse it is.

The Movie Deuce rating system is based on the “Tatonka” scene that sucked some of Kevin Costner’s credibility as a serious director and actor right out of him in the celebrated American epic Dances with Wolves.*



Some reviewers claimed the infamous scene featuring Costner and Graham Greene is the pinnacle of the whole movie; I even remember reading a comment once stating it was “the most famous and brilliant scene in movie-making history.”** However, Greene and Costner (as Kicking Bird and John Dunbar) making buffalo noises and putting fake finger ears on top of their heads while clawing the dirt and rejoicing, “Tatonka, tatonka!” is ridiculous and uncomfortable to watch in any universe … even if it was the official onset of their hot and heavy interracial bromance.

Therefore, let us explain the Movie Deuce Rating System, based on number of Tatonkas:

1 Tatonka = Too Good to Be Bad or Not Bad Enough in the Right Way to Be Good
2 Tatonkas = Pretty Bad, but Still Pretty Disappointing
3 Tatonkas = Delicious Head Cheese on a Stale, Generic-Brand Ritz Cracker
4 Tatonkas = The Devil's Diary or Friends 'Til the End
5 Tatonkas = Buffalo Patties on a Hot Log or a Deuce Dropped from a Great Height***

Please enjoy our site, and get ready for some major Tatonkage!



* If you’ve seen Water World, No Way Out or The Postman you already know this credibility was on shaky ground anyway.
** Hey, have you ever seen 2001: A Space Odyssey?
*** Our exact review descriptions are quite unofficial and are subject to change at any time.